Tonto: Tonto and Friends sick of chick flick so ask Jenny Nipper to review Caddy Shack. She say, go ahead. But Caddy Shack review no go so well. Tonto and Tarzan smoke too much peace pipe. Tonto fall asleep half way through movie. Tarzan get up to find Baby Ruth, no come back till end of movie. Frankenstein get contact high and Kenny Loggin's music send him run amuck through village. He return with pitchfork in back and hair slightly singed.
Frankenstein: Gaaaaah. Fire bad. Villagers mean!.
Tonto: Jenny Nipper say Tonto and Friends--
Tarzan: Why now we Tonto and friends? Used to be Tarzan, Tonto, Frankenstein. That correct billing. Me most famous. Me film star. You side kick and monster.
Frankenstein: Tarzan ego baaaad!
Tonto: Tonto agree. Tarzan ego out of control. If Tarzan want top billing. He do more work. Besides, Frankenstein biggest star of group. Everyone know Frankenstein. He even have own trailer.
Tarzan: Me ask Jenny Nipper. She settle this.
Jenny the Nipper: Tonto and friends is most expedient. It stays. Besides, Tonto is building a real following. I don't want him to quit and start his own blog.
Tonto: Me never start own blog. Me have to be free out west beyond horizon. Beyond wireless internet.
Jenny: Can you just review Little Ceasar already?!
Tonto: Little Ceasar is gangster masterpiece. Is early high water mark for genre. All other gangster movie compared to Little Ceas---
Tarzan: Me find Little Ceasar overrated. All just gangster meeting with other gangsters. Talk, talk, talk. Me no like Olga either. Little Ceasar right. She make Joe go soft.
Tonto: For once Tonto agree with Tarzan. If Tarzan no interrupt he find out Tonto say same thing. Though famous gangster classic, Little Ceasar surprisingly talkie.
Frankenstein: Edward G. Robinson greeaaaaat!
Tonto: Frankenstein have great point as usual. Edward G. is reason to watch Little Ceasar. Camera on other people, Tonto bored. Camera on Edward G. , Tonto riveted. What Little Ceasar do? Will spray room with bullets or laugh crazy Edward G. laugh, make Tonto nervous.
Tarzan: Little Ceasar make me nervous too. Me think him like Joe little too much.
Tonto: Tarzan raise question of Little Ceasar's love for Joe. Is Little Ceasar sentimental or repressed homosexual?
Frankenstein: Gah! Joe friend.
Tonto: What about pretty boy sidekick? He seem like replacement for Joe. He seem like more than friend.
Tonto: OK. Maybe we move on to less controversial topic. Version Jenny Nipper supply Tonto and Friends have post-code prologue about badness of gangsters. Little Ceasar one pre-code movie revived many times in theaters. Why Little Ceasar never go away from pop culture?
Tarzan: Me think it ending. Ending is best part of Little Ceasar.
Tonto: Tonto agree. Everyone like ending. Censor like bad man die. People like that gangster have higher thought, "Is this end of Rico?" Rico is poet. Rico come out of hiding just to clear him name. Just to say not coward. Police cowardly to trick him with telephone tap.
Tarzan: Me no think that. If Little Ceasar so smart he no fall for trick.
Tonto: Trick remind me of Godfather. When Carlo beat up Connie to trick Sonny into going to city alone.
Frankenstein: Look what they did to my booooy! (Begins to weep.)
Tarzan: Why you bring up Godfather? Always make Frankenstein cry at undertaker scene.
Tonto: It is great scene. Is no shame, Frankenstein. Tonto also think of Godfather scene when Tom Hagen say no one ever gun down New York City police officer. Ha! Little Ceasar shoot police commissioner! He no care! He so tough. He most badass gangster. More than Michael Corleone.
Tarzan: What about Scarface? He toughest of all? Say hello to my leetle friend!
Frankenstein: Paul Muuuuni!
Tonto: Frankenstein right. Paul Muni Scarface most badass of all. He shoot innocent bystanders any time. Al Pacino Scarface get killed because he no take out journalist family. Paul Muni never be so sentimental.
Jenny the Nipper: Guys. Little Ceasar remember?
Tonto: So Little Ceasar say "Is this the end of Rico" and he die under poster of Joe and Olga dancing. Funny how important where Gangster die. Like Scarface die in front of poster "The World is Yours."
Tarzan: Al pacino Scarface same thing.
Jenny the Nipper: And as I mentioned in my blog recently, real-life gangster John Dillinger died in front of a movie theater showing a gangster movie.
(Sound of crickets chirping....)
Jenny the Nipper: Well, thanks, I think that wraps things up for now. Tonto and Friends will be back next week talking about one of our favorite movies, Gunga Din.
Bridget Jones's Dairy (2001)
7 years ago